I have five names, just in case you were wondering. That doesn’t include the ones given to me by my Father, which would increase the number and frankly change the subject a bit. I have five names that have been given at different stages of my life for various reasons. It took me awhile to realize this and that there is actually deep significance in it.

The Name Game

I have come to love the uniqueness of my full name, but it was a path fraught with petty frustrations, because your name is who you are first identified by and I didn't know my identity for awhile there. I also just feel strongly about symbolism sometimes and symbolism plays a big role in your name. So, I’ve had a lot of qualms over my name. For one, it’s a two-part name, which causes people to assume that the second part of my name is my last name and it confuses people. Then I also get the question, “Do, you like to be called Toni, or Toni-Lyn?” to which I (sometimes) very politely reply, “Well, Toni-Lyn is my first name…” because I’ve frankly stopped apologizing for the extra syllable. Also, the first half is a boy’s name so people are always telling me, “I was expecting you to be a guy.” Which honestly, why would anyone think that’s ok to tell a woman? That began in middle school and can we say emotional complex to get over. Geez. 

Just recently the idea of having a new name has been on my mind as God has led me through re-births.  I’ve also been in a very nostalgic place of reflecting and grieving the end of a season. I was wondering the other day why God hadn’t given me a new name when I went to Swazi or moved or even now as I prepare for shifting. I mean I like the name Michelle, or something exotic or nerdy-chic. I told that to God, I mean, in case He was up for suggestions. This was not about that though, which is what He told me in His really gentle and joyful spirit. I think He thinks I’m funny, which is utterly heart-warming.

Then it dawned on me, I’ve been getting new names all along.

Historically Speaking

In scripture we see a few different people who have their names changed completely. Simon becomes Peter, “the rock”. Saul becomes Paul, “small and humble”. Then we see Jacob renamed Israel which means “God prevails”. This was after wrestling for redemption. I mean, holy mackerel, Jacob put on some furry arms to steal his brother’s blessing and then wrestled with God and was renamed Israel! What a loaded name.

Even monks, nuns, and the Pope change their name taking on a new identity in Christ as they move into those positions. This is no new idea. Names are powerful. Names, like words, can bring life and death.

What is in a name?

While my team was in Swazi there was a mischievous boy who visited our homestead often. His name was Fossa Fossa, which meant “mistake” in SiSwati. He was apparently known around the community as a troublemaker and clearly was unwanted. My teammate Jess was distressed knowing this, she a woman truly after God’s own heart. She would have none of it, and she renamed him “Siyabonga”, which is a common Swazi greeting meaning “we thank you” because we were thankful for him.  She renamed him with all of the authority of Christ and she claimed it and believed it of him. Let me tell you, as someone who has worked with youth for eight years now, that makes ALL the difference.

The thing about a name, in my opinion, is that it really means something for you. My name, for instance, means “beloved” and the second part, “waterfall”. God’s given me imagery, visions, and prophesies using those words. It is unique to me. So, I can’t just go from being a Toni-Lyn to being a Michelle because it’s bigger than that. There’s a path we’re forging and while our name doesn’t define us, it tells part of our story as we move forward (or backward). For the most part, barring certain seasons, God doesn’t want my name to change completely, at least not yet.

The Weight of Words

Sometimes we have to shed old names for good as we find our true identity in Christ, names like, “worthless”, “critical”, “ugly”, “stupid”, “unclean”, “abandoned”, “sinner”. Those are not true of us and we must face our real selves knowing that we are in fact, called “saints”, “friends”, and “sons” and “daughters” of Christ by Christ.

My Personal Name Story

Wondering about my five names? Well, I grew up Toni-Lyn, eventually shorted to Toni by friends who apparently didn’t like extra syllables. When I went to college, and right around the time I learned about my identity in Christ and experienced the knowledge of grace for the first time, people started calling me by my initials: TLK. When I met my Swazi team and went on the field through AIM the first time, they called me TL. I think this was in part a mark of an exodus out of bondage of my past by removing the last initial. While in Swazi, I was given the SiSwati name, Spiwe, by one of the gogos. Spiwe means “gift” and God was showing me that I was there for a purpose that I couldn’t fully see, yet. Oddly, TL was transferred to my grad school crew as well this past year. Which, I would venture to say is because God brought me through some Swazi-grade wreckage this past year, and also I was being led back to AIM. I’m not sure if I’ll adopt a new name when I get there or which one will stick, but I’m curious to see what God is up to, as usual. No one knew that when they were calling me those nicknames it had any weight behind it, and honestly, I didn’t think much of it until now either. But part of recognizing our significance in God’s story is recognizing it through our identity in Christ and who he calls us to be, and recognizing the shifts and stories our names tell. 

Now You

What’s your name story? What names has God had to change in you? What name is Christ calling you now and what is the significance? 

All Love,

TL, Toni, Toni-Lyn, TLK, Spiwe, Beloved Waterfall, etc.